Now, I’m probably going to hurt a few feelings here…..
When it comes to hair, after my four years of being natural, I have to say…..that men prefer natural hair!
They prefer the way it feels, the way it moves, the way it smells, the way they can pull on it…..AND especially the way it looks!
When I first went natural, I was very insecure. Whilst I do have a long term boyfriend, it is also nice to receive smiles and admiring glances…..it’s nice to feel ATTRACTIVE despite the fact that my days of trying to attract the opposite sex were/are long long long over.
For women, hair is a very sensual and sexual aspect of our beauty. It has been said that long hair has been associated with vitality, good health, youthfulness and fertility, which is why it’s so alluring to the male species…….So imagine how I felt as a 21 year old forced into wearing only buns as I was transitioning my chin length hair. The days of my long, sexy, sleek (yet crispy fried, patchy and fake) hair were over. I no longer felt like the sex siren which radiated confidence and pheromones everywhere she went.
Can you blame me for feeling like that?! The media bombards us with images of what a sexy black/mixed woman is supposed to look like…..think Beyonce, Ashanti, Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks……none of them rock their natural curly/kinky/frizzy/puffy/fuzzy but glorious afros! The honey blonde/caramel hues are another debate entirely, which I touched upon here, but I think that that’s part of a much bigger issue which affects women of all races.
However, the past four years has taught me that what the media shows us and what men ACTUALLY like are two completely separate things……and the media is not as in touch the male species as we think they are!
Beyonce Would Be A Man’s Nightmare….
Well…ok, maybe not literally! I’m sure most men on the planet would chew off their right arm for a Beyonce lookalike (and probably all limbs for Beyonce herself!) But, imagine if Beyonce were a normal woman, working a 9-5 office job on an average salary.
How much would that 100% virgin remy weave/lace wig addiction cost? Let’s be clear, Queen Bey does not go around rocking Sensational Too or synthetic, nylon hair in her weaves! She also would not be leaving it months on end before replacing the weave….leaving it to get all ratty and stinky. That would be a fresh head of bleached Malaysian/Mongolian virgin hair every 6-8 weeks! What does that work out to……probably £200-£300 every 1-2 months?!…..Minimum!
Now…..what I’ve learned about men so far (1 boyfriend of 6 years and 3 brothers) is that men are very practical and logical creatures. That ish just doesn’t make sense to them…..you have your own hair that grows out of your head…..why are you paying nearly £2,000 (minimum) per year for human hair when you already have some that grows out of your scalp for free?! My boyfriend already gets pissed off when he sees the odd ASOS package come through the door once every few months…..I don’t think that spending several thousands of pounds a year on fake hair would prove to be very popular!
Men don’t like high maintenance! They want women to be able to get ready and out the door within 15-20 mins, countless memes circulating on social media seem to verify this theory….
Men don’t trust fake beauty. Yes, they may like how it looks in a club….in the dark….however, let’s be clear, they are freaked out about the endless possibilities of what could be hiding under that wig/inch of foundation! Men are simple creatures who are overwhelmed very very easily, displaying our natural hair/beauty is a gentle way of reassuring them that they aren’t being conned!
The Unsexy Side Of Unnatural Hair
Yes, it’s time to attack the relaxer and flat irons once again!
Now, I hate to admit this….but we all know that it’s almost impossible to grow out relaxed/heat damaged hair! Some lucky ladies can and are the exception to this rule. But let’s be honest, we saw on Chris Rock’s “Good Hair” documentary that relaxer can eat through a coke can in a matter of hours…..the chances of a person having long, healthy hair with this chemical is highly unlikely.
So let’s talk about breakage……which inevitably happens to relaxed and heat damaged hair. Speaking from experience, leaving little broken and split ends all over your boyfriends pillow is NOT sexy. It’s pretty embarrassing and kind of sobering….you don’t mind seeing broken hair all over your own bathroom, but when it comes to his bathroom…..?! Eh, no!
The other unsexy side of relaxer…..scalp burns! Scalp burns and scabs post relaxer are nasty! Let’s also not forget hair thinning and general patchiness as a result of relaxer burns. I also have to add…..traction alopecia and scalp infections that can be caused by improper weave care/installations can also be pretty stomach turning. You want your hair to entice the man of your dreams…..not repulse him!
For all the romantics out there……kisses in the rain and spontaneous skinny dipping is completely off the agenda when you have anything but natural hair. No reenacting scenes from The Notebook!
Getting Down and Dirty With Natural Hair
Kinky and curly hair generally grows outwards as opposed to downwards like straight hair, getting bigger as it gets longer. Did you know that this is a primitive and sexually attractive quality to men?! Big and voluminous hair is a sign of vitality, youth and good health. Big, messy hair is also known as “bed hair”……no need to guess what men find attractive about that!
The main reason why men love natural hair is the fact that it can be pulled and tugged on in the bedroom! Women can truly relax and lose their inhibitions when they don’t have to worry about their man pulling away fistfuls of broken hair….or pulling the whole hair piece off!
There’s also no worry of frizz or curl reversion from any water based freakiness (or sweat for that matter) Shower sex?……Not a problem! Jacuzzi sex?……Not an issue!
This Is For All The Ladies Who Worry That Going Natural Will Suppress That Inner Sex Siren
Now this post was not intended to be rude and crude……or insulting women who choose not to wear their hair natural. This post is intended to address and unearth a real worry that many women have when they go natural.
I know a lot of this post is highly un-feminist and can be interpreted as glorifying the objectification of women (very impressed with how smart that sentence sounded :P), however it is a natural and primal thing for women to want to feel desirable! As a young twenty-something, this was my foremost concern about going natural….looking frumpy/outdated and as sexy as a poodle was my ultimate nightmare.
However……things turned out quite the opposite! My boyfriend adores my curls and was the one who supported me the entire way throughout my transitioning process…..helping me to trim my dead ends every four weeks and telling me how beautiful my curls were every morning.
It’s no surprise that most studies conclude that men prefer the “natural look”. I have asked numerous men about their opinions on natural hair and despite varying tastes, one thing is for sure…..the sexiest thing a woman can have is confidence!
Making the decision to go natural in a world which tells us that the only way we can be beautiful is to try and become the opposite of our genetic code screams confidence! Choosing to be YOU instead of the thousands of clones that we epitomize is a sign that you are comfortable within your own skin and appreciate your own unique beauty. To a man, there is nothing sexier than a woman who is confident within herself!
Here, I’ll leave you with the amazing Shannon T Boodram (I hope she doesn’t mind me embedding her video here……huge fan!) and how she gets sensuous and alluring curls! Enjoy!
Comment below and let me know your thoughts!
Edit – Check out my video response to The London Curls and her project #menonnaturalhair